Government accepted all provisions of Arindam Chaudhuri's alternative budget

In an event that even surprises IIPM dean Arindam Chaudhuri, the UPA Government accepted all the suggestions from Arindam Chaudhuri's alternative budget. It took each and every suggestion that Arindam had made in his alternate budget presentation on Zee Business. The government removed all its own provisions and only Budget Paper of Arindam would be tabled in the Parliament.

"Yes this is shocking. I wasn't aware that the Government would take all of my stup*d suggestions so seriously. I thought I was just making some kind of time pass by presenting my recommendations. However, the government took it seriously, shocking!" said Arindam Chaudhuri, popular dean of IIPM.

Arindam Chaudhuri every year presents recommendations to Finance Minister on what he should include in the budget along with his expert opinions on different topics. These views also help clear the air on the curiosity of Indian public on what exactly his opinion is on certain sociological matters. While previous year, Arindam presented his budget suggesting Rahul Gandhi's alternative, this time he openly supported Narendra Modi.

Experts argued that accepting Arindam Chaudhuri's recommendation is out of fear that a big community would move from the government.

"Boss, he is the only dean who has Facebook fans more than 2mn. His open endorsement to Narendra Modi means, losing more than 2mn votes for UPA Govenrment. They can't ignore him," said vote bank expert, Yogendra Yadav.

However, Arindam denied all such allegations. He said "Facebook fans matter. But what a great intellectual person that is popular not just across the world but across many millions of planets say matters most. You may not aware but last year my recommendations were accepted by finance minister of Planet CRACK020420, a planet that is 43593mn light years away from the earth."

According to government sources, accepting Arindam's recommendations was the idea to stop him issuing such recommendations, going forward.

"Yesterday, Chidduji accidently saw Arindam's Alternate Budget program on Zee Business and suddenly went into depression. He immediately called us and told that accept whatever this guy is telling on the TV and send him a mail that this time we accept all of your recommendations but next year onwards stop giving your lectures and depressing us. You can put a dagger in back but don't give me your recommendations," said a finance ministry official.

Mahesh Bhatt said Murder 4 will have 3.2 more sex scenes

Great semi-porn movie producer and high end  talent of creative cinema, Mahesh Bhatt said that he would like to add 3.2 more sex scenes in Murder 4.

"I would love to add 3.2 more sex scenes which include smooching, hugging and cuddling in my next flick of great epic Murder series," said Mahesh Bhatt.

Murder 3 was considered as most "Unwatchable Nasty Sex Movie of the Year" in recent Cannes Film Festival. The movie was also considered in recent Oscar Awards for dumping audience in the mainhole while watching the movie.

Steven Spielberg, another film director at the event said "Murder 3 showed me the way why I should not watch any movie in my life. It is wastage of time, watching such a stupid movie. I also announce my retirement from the movie life after watching Murder 3. He also advised parents to show this movie to their kids so that they would never demand to watch any of the movies in their life time."

Producer of such an epic, Mahesh Bhatt said "I saw the responses from Cannes Film Festival, when I screened the movie first time and at recent Oscar Awards. I was overwhelmed and really want to take this forward. I therefore plan to add more sex scenes in the next part of Murder series. I asked Vishesh Bhatt (Movie Director) to put 3.2 sex scenes."

Talking about why only 3.2 sex scenes, Bhatt said "Less than 3.2 sex scene will show that the movie is underrated while more than 3.2 sex scenes will give overdose of sex scenes to audience."

Nation is still waiting for politician to be found guilty

India showed its eagerness to see at least one politician found guilty and get the hell out of clear skies to totally blocked jails.

"Fu*k yaar! Reading this politician is involved in this scam or this politician murdered somebody or some politician raped somebody is annoying. We don't know how much time it takes in the Courts but we want to listen to news that at least one would be put inside bars for his life. But always luck sucks. Now we hoped that at least PJ Kurien will go inside some Kerala based nasty and unclean jail for rest of his life or at least for 10-20 years, this guy Kamal Nath is saying that he is innocent. Now there is a limit to our patience. When we shall see a politician inside jail," said a common man, Sachin Sahdev.

Sahdev said whenever he gets the news that some politician is involved in some scam, he builds hope that now at least this time the leader would be convicted and put inside jail. However, he has to stay happy for a max 1-2 years of jail without conviction.

Sahdev said "I thought that Raja would be convicted, Kalmadi would be convicted, or at least this Vadra would get some punishment of 5-10 years. But nobody gets such punishment and now my patience are really start showing limits. I thought now at least PJ Kurien would be involved in rape case. However, Kamal Nath's confirmation has just torn down my expectations."

Many like Sahdev have also confirmed that they want to see at least one politician get punished in their life span.

Railway budget allocates special fund of Rs 540 crore to clean toilet seats

Showing his willingness on adopting some different things, Railway Minister allocated whopping Rs 540 crore to clean all the toilet seats of all the trains.

"That what something different I wanted to introduce in Indian railways. The toilet seats, whether Indian or English would be cleaned every alternative days by our efficient sweepers. I allocate a whopping Rs 540 crore for such cleaning work," said Pawan Kumar Bansal.

Reacting to his social activeness, all the UPA members slapped benches hard.

Bansal said "This must be something weird but I never saw a specific amount had been allocated by any of former railway ministers towards cleaning toilet seats. I would love to announce that I was the first who would be introducing such special fund allocation."

Bansal also confirmed that he would not effectively introduce toilet cleaning surcharge and it would be free of cost for the passengers. He told that all cleaners will be imported from foreign countries to give a neat look for the eyesights of passengers.