India to outsource internal and external security from private players

Indian Government has decided to outsource all the internal and external security matters from private players on urgent basis. The decision has been viewed as major reform in the security sector in India, which has been felt to be overhauled by various sections of the society after disaster in handling issues like rape, relationship with Italy, China and Pakistan.

"Boss it is fuckingly irritating. Providing security to Indians is not our job. Are we fucking security guards?" asked Salman Khurshid, India's External Affairs Minister.

He said "Our job is to improve bilateral ties with our neighbors and open up more and more sectors for foreign investments. Guys, if we keep on hanging on the security, corruption and paltry rape kind of issues how can we deliver in terms of growth and economic development. Security matters should be privatized and as earlier PM Manmohan Singh said should be localized. Let the local private players in partnership with foreign entities handle the issues."

According to sources, in a recent Chintan Meeting of Congress Party High Command decided to focus on promising to deliver rather than actual delivery, as that would be a major kicker in the upcoming elections. However, the meeting also concluded that till the time the government gets rid of unnecessary issues like rape, Chinese incursion, Italian marines and relation with Pakistan, focus on real issues such as poll will hardly come. Therefore, Party high command decided to outsource security matters to private players and focus on attracting more and more voters to vote in the next elections.

"Our first draft for 100% Privatization of Indian Security is ready and we expect that in Winter Session of Parliament, the government will present the bill," said Home Minister Sushil Kumar Shinde.