freedom 251

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Aishwarya Rai is fat aunty - Kareena Kapoor

BRIEF NEWS - BOLLYWOOD

Sources said that Kareena took a dig on KRK who is planning to offer Aishwarya a role in Deshdrohi-5

Bollywood's minimum 100 crore heroine, Kareena Kapoor added to a serious debate about Aishwarya Rai Bachchan by calling her a fat aunty. Film critics expect that Kareena's statement would not be digested easily by Bollywood's first family.

"Yes Aishwarya Rai looks fat aunty to me," said Kareena Kapoor, who herself became victim of an abusive word 'Aunty' called by Kamaal Rashid Khan (KRK) took a dig on Aishwarya Rai Bachachan by calling her aunty. Sources said that KRK plans to cast Aishwarya into a lead role in Deshdrohi's 5^th sequel.

"What is so blah-a-h? If a punctured tyre look-a-like KRK can call me fat aunty, what is the problem if I call her fat aunty?" said Kareena calmly. Kareena is going to play a lead role in 'Heroine' an epic saga of a conversion of slim beauty into a fat senior lady.

Aishwarya Rai was unavailable for comment, as she was busy in finding the reasons why she can't attend the Cannes Film Festival, though sources told India Satire Bollywood Correspondent that she was unwilling to disclose her current fat posture to western world.

Finding difficulties in searching each-n-every underwear, US officials made special request to Agent Vinod 'Saif' to check all the underwears of terrorists for Underwear Bomb

BRIEF STORIES - TERRORISM

US said only Agent Vinod has capabilities to defuse dangerous underwear bomb

US intelligence agencies such as FBI, which are unanswered by underwear bombs are trying to reach India's great RAW agent, Agent Vinod who recently unveiled Indian businessmen planting the terror attacks for just few bucks gains through short selling in the equity markets.

A senior US official told India Satire that a bomb for the would-be attack was sewn into "custom fit" underwear that would have been difficult to detect even in a careful pat-down at an airport.

He said that the bomb-detecting-machine can only detect natural bomb of terrorists which is used for piss making purposes and can't search another bomb in the underwear that is used for piece making purposes. He confirmed that only Agent Vinod has such capabilities to identify and differentiate underwear bomb of both the qualities.

The official told that Agent Vinod can know whether there is another bomb or not by just smelling or just by staring the underwear from a long distance.

"He has in-built sensor. He can easily differentiate smell of the device, whether it is the smell of the urination or ammonium nitrate," said the US official.

"There is a very subtle difference in the smell of urine and ammonium nitrate and therefore it is a very difficult job, which can be done by a specialist like Agent Vinod," he said.

The US official also acknowledge the efforts of India's Agent Vinod 'Saif' and told India Satire that the US citizens are gradually enlightened and understood that terrorists are actually innocent and some businessmen lobbies could be there to plant the bombs.

"Even in this case an agent of FBI planted the bomb while we thought it was actually Al-Qaeda's official representative," said the US officials.

SM Krishna, India's foreign minister said India Satire correspondent "It is a proud feeling for Indians as now US is recognizing India's power in the intelligence and admitting it. We are in touch with Saif Ali Khan, who is also Agent Vinod to help US in finding out the underwear bombs. We request him to thoroughly check each and every underwear with due care."

India Satire correspondent contacted Saif Ali Khan for his reactions, who is also busy in making Agent Vinod's sequel. Saif initially saw the correspondent and strongly hit on his nose, yelled and said "You fu*king guys, since I released that crap Agent Vinod, you guys are behind me like RAW is behind any ISI agent. WTF! I smell urine or not, what is your interest in it? In my sequel, I am going to show how satirists are involved in planting bombs and the names of innocent Al-Qaeda and Lashkar-e-Taiba guys involved."

Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Notions and perceptions behind Air India pilots’ strike

POPULAR NOTION-UNPOPULAR PERCEPTION

Air India pilots threatened by career prospects in the dwindling aviation industry

Air India has cancelled four international flights after about a 100 pilots called in "sick" late on Monday, in a move to mount pressure on the state-run carrier on their demands for exclusivity in flying Boeing's Dreamliner.

The national carrier has about 500 pilots who operate international flights and they have been demanding that pilots from its former state-owned partner Indian Airlines should not be trained to fly Dreamliners, as it may hurt the career prospects of the original Air India employees.

Monday, 7 May 2012

Congress Party finally nominated Sachin Tendulkar as a president candidate, he agreed

The move seen that the party may get a strong footing for 2014 elections

Finally, Congress Party decided to nominate its president candidate, though its allies, which include Mamata Banerjee and M Karunanidhi showed displeasure. Party spokesperson announced Sachin Tendulkar's name.

"We thought as it is Sachin is not interested in politics and doesn't want to contribute anything to political front of India, we decided to nominate his name for President of India," said party spokesperson Rajiv Shukla, breaking the ice for the first time since a lot had been said about the issue.

Sources said that Pranab Mukherjee who shied away from the President position has got an immense sigh of relief. Pranabda was the first to congratulate Sachin Tendulkar for his choice.

Manish Tiwary, party spokesperson said "We are glad to announce that we found the best candidate as a President of India and that's Sachin Tendulkar. We have consensus on the name and will proceed to make him India's first sportsman cum president."

Tiwary said that special priviledge would be given to Sachin Tendulkar to tour various nations and score centuries and would not be burdened with a lot of work.

"We want him to complete his 150 centuries each in one day and test matches during his tenure as President," said Manish Tiwary.

However, entire development created a lot of political drama, as allies opposed the appointment of Sachin Tendulkar as President of India. While M Karunanidhi demanded R. Ashwin's name as a president, Mamata Banerjee was stubborn on the name of Sourav Ganguly. However, Congress Party was still comfortable, as it was getting the support of opposition parties.

BJP and Shiv Sena in a joint statement said that they support Congress' step.

BJP spokesperson Prakash Javadekar said "We are happy that Sachin Tendulkar is chosen as a candidate for presidential election. However, we condemn Congress party's step that focuses on 2014 elections for grabbing the votes."

Sachin Tendulkar who confirmed that he was approached by Congress Party whole-n-sole Sonia Gandhi with the proposal, told that he was ready for the job.

"I am ready to serve the nation, but I don't know what to work and my life is made for Cricket only. Sonia auntyjee assured me that there would not be such issues to continue my career in Cricket for next 10 years at least," said happy Sachin Tendulkar. However, replying to the criticisms for getting out of focus, he said "Nobody should tell me what I should do or not."

Aamir Khan to discuss issues that President faces in the next episode of Satyamev Jayate

Pratibha Patil confirmed her unabated support to the cause

Aamir Khan will discuss the issues that a lady President, Pratibha Patil faced in her 5 years of duty in the next episode of Satyamev Jayate. Aamir Khan decided to cover the topic on urgent basis after watching an emotional interview of Pratibha Patil which reflects the sacrifices and contributions that a lady made while she received only mimicking and fun from the society.

Sources said that Aamir Khan saw an emotional interview of Pratibha Patil and decided to let flow few tears from his eyes. After 4 tears (2 each from each eye), he immediately called Pratibha aunty for asking her whether he could cover all the problems that a president (particularly lady president) faces in India in his new serial.

"President of India is most neglected person on the earth by the political parties and people of India. They are ignored to the hell in their life while we expect them to contribute and still never allow them to fly from Sukhoi. It's just ridiculous," said Aamir Khan, talking to India Satire correspondent.

Aamir Khan who is hailed for his social contributions, along with contributions to Bollywood just saw a juicy opening of his first TV reality show on Sunday told that he would like to set a non-biased example by showing the problems of President of India.

He said "First problem that a lady president faces is to leave her day-to-day habit of talking. Talking once or twice a year is ridiculous for any woman in India. Second if she goes abroad to have some good travel experience then why the hell society is shouting so much.

Pratibha Patil confirmed that it was the presidential issue in the next episode of Satyamev Jayate and she arranged a whole hearted support.

"Not in my 50 years of career, I have seen so much fun making on me and treating on par with Arnab Goswami, Kapil Sibal and Digvijay Singh. It is so humiliating," said Pratibhaji to India Satire correspondent.

"I am no one to solve issues, I can only highlight them," said Aamir "I will only highlight the problems of neglecting and avoidance faced by Pratibha auntyjee by mainstream media, politicians and people while I will not solve it."

Aamir said "It was because of Pratibha auntyjee why the world is so much close to us and we are discussing paltry issues like her land acquisition and stuff. Now as it is not possible for Pratibha aunty, I believe my battle for social justice will help upcoming presidents to get some eyeballs."

Aamir showed a list of the issues to be discussed in the session

· President should get at least once a month to talk about any kind of issues, then may be changing the mosquito repellent coil in the Rashtrapati Bhavan to Eurozone debt issues. For lady presidents, it should be twice, if not thrice.

· Media coverage, at least once-a-day the name of President to be displayed on news channels

· Satires should be stopped on President of India

· Every bill should be shown as it is passed through President of India

· Nobody will ask any question about Afzal Guru, follow the good gesture shown by NDTV in the interview in which interviewer didn't ask any question on this saintly guy