freedom 251

Sunday, 13 May 2012

Now dogs want people to give them respect; call female doggies instead of bitches

BRIEF STORY - ANIMALS

Strong dogs lobby demands government to ask people to get their act correct

All India organised and unorganised lobby of dogs asked the government to ban using word 'bitch' to female dog and give them due respect by calling female doggy.

The development came after the president of Organised and Unorganised Doggy Association of India (OUDAI), Tiger unadvertently watched porn site depicting some other meaning of bitch.

Tiger said "Bhaw bhaw bhaw bhaw... I was shocked when I saw a woman was called bitch who was sitting in a weird position. Bitch is a respectable name for the female doggy while men use it in respect of some other nasty content. We are very much shocked and sad that human beings are taking undue advantage of our respect for them bhoo bhoo bhoo bhoo..."

While Tommy Llynx, a member of OUDAI said "Uhhhuuuuu uuuuuu.... While Tiger proposed a resolution to ask government to give a notice banning the word bitch using for female dogs. We also proposed a resolution to change name bitch to Female Doggy. We want to do all these in a peaceful manner."

However, few notorious dogs, particularly street-side dogs were not really in favor of peaceful way of protest and they believe that they would get rightful thing by using muscular use.

A street side dog, Shera said "It's not just female dogs but we also got tremendous pain when people torture us saying kutte, kamine and many things. All these humiliation and abusive words will come to end when we all together will protest in a really junglee doggy manner. Whaawww whaawwwwww..."

However, few Indian intellectuals like Yogendra Yadav who recently resigned from NCERT's position over cartoon row, said that the activity of dogs is totally against the freedom of speech for human beings.

He said "While we are deprived from drawing cartoons, now if we the government accepts doggy union's demand that we can't say kutte kamine and bitch then it would be sheer hammer on our freedom of speech. I am totally against the non-populist stand of doggy lobby."

Friday, 11 May 2012

Satirists misled me - Kapil Sibal

Sibal Uncle apologized in Parliament for leaving his serious attitude

Sibal Uncle who is generally facing a satirist trap during last 2 years, particularly since making the zero loss theory announcement, blamed India's satirists for deterioration of his mental ability, thought processing capability and understanding brain facility reflected through the cartoon of Dalit leader Dr. Babasaheb Ambedkar.

"It's sorry state of my brain, as I am confused whether I myself look original or cartoon. Therefore, the mistake happened from my hands," said Kapil Sibal (Sibal Uncle) in the Parliament, in front of a packed session for 5-10 minutes today.

He said that Satirists had so much painted his cartoons and made so much of fun that many times whenever he sees his own face in the mirror start laughing.

"These fuc*ing guys, these idi*t satirists suc*ed my brain from head to toe," said Sibal Uncle. For the information of India Satire readers, Sibal Uncle's whole posture from head-to-toe is active brain and any part of his body can think and transmit to the world through his tounge.

He said "Therefore, the mistake with great leader Dr. Babasaheb Ambedkar happened from me."

He apologized in front of all the MPs.

"My apology to all you for the cartoon and I promise that I will not use my weird sense-of-humor in life again. I will become serious and will not imitate any satirist in my life again," said today's Chanakya and Arya Bhatta, Sibal Uncle.

His emotional speech stopped the blood of Parliament for 5-10 minutes and all the opposition party leaders were silent for a record time. Burdened with emotions and heavy heart, speaker Meira Kumar removed 2-3 tears from her eyes and swiped her nose.

Meira Kumar overwhelmed and stood up after Sibal Uncle’s speech

Census data suggests that life of Indians become more active these days

Life style changes according to Census

STATISTICS - LIFESTYLE

Activities spread over dreams of normal human beings

Census data for 2011 on spending 24 hours in a day by a normal Indian shows that life of a normal Indian has become full of activities than in 2001.

This shocking revelation came from the government's statistics division which collected census data for 2011. According to numbers, an average Indian’s individual time spend on various activities improved sharply. Earllier, in 2001 Indians were providing little time over dreaming and more over sleeping. However, 2011 while sleeping time contracted time for dreaming rose 4 times more.

Difference between Indians in 2001 and 2011 was also in technological savviness. Indians in 2001 could hardly find some time for chatting and discussing (incl. social network) useless things, which improves phenomenally, thanks to increasing awareness of internet and more use of mobile phones. This factor also shows rising talkativeness and communication skills of normal Indian.

On the productivity front, lesser employees started abusing their bosses on account of sharp reduction in time spent with these idiots. Further, working for earning portion reduced drastically showing more and more increase in productivity.

On the intellectual front data shows astonishing improvement. More and more started providing more and more time on thinking (sucking own brain) leading to a chance for India to develop as a knowledge world.

How did we spend our time in 2001, according to Census?

How did we spend our time in 2011, according to Census?

Thursday, 10 May 2012

STING OPERATION: Chiddu Uncle found strengthening muscles in city gym

STING OPERATION

India Satire’s sting operation revealed that Chiddu Uncle is working a lot to take opposition’s challenge

After a series of debacles in life from budgetary mess, 2G mess, intelligence mess, NCTC mess and now Aircel-Maxis deal mess, finally India’s home minister (no not anybody’s wife) P Chidambaram (Chiddu Uncle) took the opposition’s challenge. India Satire correspondent made a serious sting operation, which revealed that after parliamentary session, Uncle was tightly working out in the Delhi based MP gym. The correspondent shares some of the photos clicked in sting operation.

Chiddu uncle challenging opposition parties

Some secret is cooking

Real secret behind the challenge

Dare to think beyond opposition parties

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Top Stories of the day: Rakhi Sawant, Aamir Khan, KRK, SRK, Fat Aishwarya Rai, Amitabh Bachchan, Madhur Bhandarkar, Air India, Vijay Mallya, Barack Obama, Gay Marriage, NHAI, Supreme Court, Satyamev Jayate, Haryana Government, Euro and Greece

TOP STORIES OF THE DAY

Fuc*ingly Idiotic still worthy to read

India Satire introduces top stories of the day article. These will involve today's stories from Google News and the utter nonsense unreal stories by India Satire.

Top Headlines

Rakhi Sawant said Aamir Khan copied her in Satyamev Jayate - Everybody ignored her comment

Kamaal Rashid Khan (popularly known as KRK) called Aamir a bigger flop than SRK - Everybody ignored his comment

KRK: I am tired of Bollywood stars - Everybody ignored his comment

A garage company approached KRK to promote its skills of removing puncture in the tyre. Sources said the same company also approached SRK to show how a punctured tyre (KRK) can easily be converted to better one (SRK).

A survey fears that many people would tend to move towards obesity, taking inspiration from Aishwarya Rai Bachchan - Obesity can't be so beautiful

Amitabh Bachchan thrashed social networking sites, blogs, media, news media, etc for debating on Aishwarya Rai's obesity. He called it as their personal life and people should shut their eyes if Aish can't be fitted into two eyes

Madhur Bhandarkar confirmed that he cited same concern for his movie 'Heroine' after Aishwarya Rai Bachchan announced about her pregnancy

Besides fat aunties, frequent strikes giving Air India a bad name: Rajya Sabha members

To end the financial turbulence, Vijay Mallya offered government to swap its air hostesses with Air India's thereby government will be able to deal with pilots strike and Kingfisher will get some money infusion

A survey suggests that 10% India's Member of Parliament's give 3rd or 4th preference to travel by Air India rest avoid journey

Obama voices his support for gay marriage, after Nicolas Sarkozy proposes him to use his free time more productively

NHAI said Supreme Court that Indians are least habitual to clean and smooth roads according to its findings, after Supreme Court asked it to justify toll when ride is not smooth

Satyamev Jayate effect: Haryana dept bans jeans, t-shirts for staff, wants 'decent' clothes, Haryana government expects rape cases to go down by 5-10% in next 2 years

Euro hit a new 3 ½- month low, as indulgence in sexual activities at Greece hit a new life high

Lower range of stock price will be called as SP Tulsian Support level

BRIEF NEWS: BUSINESS

Moneycontrol.com decides to tribute to great investment guru

Great daily investment guru and pioneer of the stock recommendations based on expectedly unexpected events, Moneycontrol.com, an online venture of CNBC TV18 decided to give tribute by calling the lower price range of his stock recommendation as SP Tulsian's support and resistance as SP Tulsian's resistance.

CNBC TV18's daily commentator, Udayan Mukherjee informed media that the company will copyright the name before it can be misused by anybody.

"The investors generally have their own perceptions and SP Tulsian makes things simple. Just look at the advice, he said buy Kingfisher Airlines as he expects Vijay Mallya will announce plans to sell of any of his profit making company to bail out bankrupt Kingfisher Airlines is unique and nobody will get such a great in depth event based analysis. Therefore, we decided to give SP Tulsian's name to the upper side and lower side of the price range," said Udayan Mukherjee.

SP Tulsian who earlier maintained that Reliance Industries has good support at Rs 720-725 is trading at below SP Tulsian marked support level at Rs 695 today. TV 18 sources told that Tulsian is drawing a new support level for the stock which could be as low of Rs 600 levels to as high as Rs 650 levels, thanks to trading behavior of Reliance Industries shares which likes to move in broader price range.

While India Satire business correspondent couldn't reach to SP Tulsian, he came to know from sources that Tulsian was happy. However, he doesn't like to talk to trash satire writers.