After it became clear that Gujarat Chief Minister Narendra Modi will be the PM candidate for BJP, Congress Party Vice President Rahul Gandhi decided to work using various techniques of Applied Research, quantitative formula and empirical science to tackle him.
"I think all the challengers for PM's post, including Manmohan Singh are strong and powerful and therefore I will have to work with patience but still with perseverance. My strategy is clear, by using more and more scientific methodologies I want to achieve more and more granularity in my role towards the Indian voters so that they would understand my clear cut plan of action. I have recently conducted whole new research on Indian political science and found out various empirical evidences about the run to the Prime Minister's post.
Today, reason behind the column for the India Satire is to give my readers an idea of how I will work on the action plan. Many times in Indian social media, I found that people calling me Amul Baby and Buddhu Baba. But I wanted to ask you same question, are you Amul Baby, are you Buddhu Baba? I know even Albert Einstein was called as Buddhuchand, so calling me Buddhu Baba is an honour to me. I will also like to tell you that all the scientist minds look initially look strange species and stupidest people but when they innovate something they become the smartest of all. Actually, I didn't want to talk all about these things but I had to open my mouth for all my 90% fans in India.
Ok, now as the BJP has made it clear that Narendra Modi will be heading its election campaign for 2014 I have to clearly open my action plan in front of my fans to make them secure and more confident against their rivals.
See, I have worked on many complexities and therefore results of my entire research are quite robust. So first of all, I have gone through historical evidences in Indian politics to draw probabilities for the eligible PM candidates. I found out many people who can claim for PM's post, including myself. Then to achieve more and more granularity I worked on scientific methods like quantitative models, applied research methodologies and chemical mental balances of the candidates which took me to 4 major candidates. Then I put down my mathematical equations on one paper, used a long brain storming session with my brain again and again. Tried to find the issues that can haunt me and haunt these candidates during the elections and voter mentality and finally when I reached to the conclusion I found only one candidate against me, and that was Modi.
That made my task easier. Using few quant models, I understood how Modi functions. He will blast on me by asking how I will resolve issues such as corruption and scams but then my action plan is ready. I will ask him tell me how you will resolve. Then he will ask me how I will end the issues like inflation and slow industrial growth, I will ask him tell me how you will resolve. Yes, yes, tell me how will you resolve? Then he will I will solve the complex problems with foreign affairs, then I will ask him tell me how will you solve them? So in my plan of action, I will always remain offensive and smart enough to resolve his unnecessary but sensitive questions. But is he ready to give answers to firmly derived questions through my models? Is there any answer with him about religious issues? Is he ready to answer me, why there is no death of farmers in Gujarat despite severe draught? Is he ready to answer simple question, why there is no electricity scarcity in Gujarat? He has done nothing for Gujarat to get help and assistance from the Central Government, according to my models which I want to bring to the notice of my fan following.
Finally, I have put all the above pros and cons regarding various issues in the elections and put them into my laptop. When I hit the button 'Output' I got the answer which I want to tell my Indian voters. I am 99:01 heading in the elections. The model suggests that Modi will get 1% vote in 2014 elections and that too from BJP leaders.
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