(Not restricting ourselves to film veterans, we decided to ask few deprived and congested souls to give preview on upcoming bollywood movies. This time we bring to you India's most selling and most watched equity analyst Mr. SP Tulsian who has backed from his 14 months of wanwaas (forest living) to CNBC TV18. As the section is related to movies, we are not going to discuss the reason of his departure from and come back in CNBC TV 18. Just to give a clue, its related to his reversal of reverse recommendation strategy. We recommend our readers to consider his preview as reverse recommendation for Imtiyaz Ali directed film 'Tamasha'.)
SP Tulsian
Hi guys,
I am very proud of being on India Satire (IS) to bring to you preview of movie Tamasha. Before talking about the movie first of all I want to clarify that IS is a total crap website which doesn't make any sense. This hopeless satire website always pulled out my legs by bringing my trading secrets in front of you. This crap web site, however, helped my investors earn huge money by using my pet reverse trading strategies and therefore I am giving movie preview on Tamasha.
Disclaimer: I disclose that I don't have any stake in IS, nor in ISIS and never in Tamasha.
My Preview guide of Tamasha
v So guys I have studied the model of movie Tamasha directed by Imtiaz Ali in its plant visit to one of the small size and congested theatres in the town. The plant was very dusky just like any 'Bidi manufacturing plant' in India with a golden touch of a foreign country, my associate told me that this country was invaded by IS recently (Editor's Note: it's ISIS and not IS). Two workers, just looking like another bidi laborers in India with western attire, one male and other female were dancing and singing in the first half and crying and yelling in the second half while rest of the others were robotically moving behind them.
v The entire business (movie) was highly labor oriented with a little focus on machinery part, although both the workers had tendency to convert themselves into machines to support the production process (again movie). This transmission was so superb and easy that most of the times I thought I was watching two robots working like real man and woman. Then I came to know from my assistant analyst that both were actually man and woman and they were connected to some other machine, which was operated by a curly hair man called Imtiaz Ali. Ali was also director of the movie. Assistant also told me that both these human beings have habit to act like robots.
v So Ali controlled all the face expressions and body movements of these two workers using computer that was connected using bluetooth.
v Story is simple, male robot and female robot meets each other carrying forward their face expressions from their past movies. They dance, sing and enjoys together in a city where Asterix and Obelix enjoyed few days of their lives. Now why Ali created a movie in the city where Asterix and Obelix stayed for a while? Because of rising intolerance in India.
v The first robot becomes more perfect robot in the second half. So in the first half, the first robot which could also move his hands and shake his legs along with a single face expression provides rest to his body in the second half and stops moving his hands and legs. The other robot (female one) had beautiful eyes, staring expressionlessly at the first robot in the first half and allowing tears to flow in the similar kind of expressions in the second half. Hope that director knew what she wanted to illustrate through those perfect stares. So it's a story of second robot bringing first robot from perfect robot state to just a robot state while the second robot itself becomes the perfect robot in the climax.
v There are 2 other robots in the background of the movie to keep mechanical tempo of the movie going. These 2 robots continually released robotic gases to provide the other two robots all the ammunition to yell, cry and shout insanely throughout the movie. Robots in the background composed the music and sang the songs. One robot whose name was AR Rahman not just cries and yells all from his single a$$hole but also he composed the so called 'music' for same. My grandfather was a big fan of his music in Roja and Bombay. Even my Pappa had listened and sang his music in Slum dog Millionaire. His habit to shriek and shout from his bowel has increased thereafter. There was another robot whose name is Arijit Singh needs a special mention here. My grandson started crying immediately during the movie after listening the Arijit's voice. Ali provided him cotton cubes to save strength of his ears. Just when we came out of the movie hall, my grandson pointed towards one donkey and started crying again. Since then my grandson is so terrified of Arijit Singh's voice that whenever he sees a picture of donkey he starts yelling and crying.
v So Latha and Sonia (it's habitual), I am a bit depressed after watching Tamasha. If you look at the performance of Imtiaz Ali, as an investor I am not very happy. See it's like Reliance Industries whose performance is improving but market cap is tumbling while in case of Imtiaz the performance is declining while his pocket cash is increasing. If you look at consumer trend, 90% Indian cinema viewers love depressed and sadist movies and with a growth of 25% YoY. The market size of the depressed and negative movies is 85% of the total movies released. Tamasha has scored 99% of depression rate and I believe that the movie is ingeniously depressed and extremely sadist which I think would help in robust listing gains for the investors (producers) of the movie. However, long term sustainability is highly unlikely as there are very few movies which make you cry but also repeat watch.
v As usual to any other AR Rahman music, background music is hummable but words in the songs are not. Be ready to listen to those words which you never have heard on this planet.
v Rizwan Khan who first found out in My Name is Khan liked Tamasha and I believe many like him would also love this movie. For them I give 5 stars and for others its 1 star. By the way, message of secularism is that this movie has shot in Corsica and not in India.
(Satire)
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