Pakistan sets up an enquiry commission to know who the hell in this world could support it

​After a non stop support from various universities of India, where few students ranting 'Pakistan Zindabad' chants, positively surprised Pakistani administration decided to check what conspiracy is behind it.

"We are fucked all over the world. We are all abused and insulted all over the world including by Somalia, Congo and even worms in the gutter. However, we are surprised that few students in India support us and our activities in the neighbor country," said Pakistan´s High Commissioner to India Abdul Basit "I haven't ever heard anybody gave any respect to me or our army chief or even our Prime Minister. Even last month when Janaab Nawaz Sharif was in US, Obama asked him to clean the floor which was dirty since he visited last year. In this scenario, if somebody is chanting our name with so much solidarity, support and love then we have to understand what is all behind it?"

Abdul Basit told India Satire correspondent that Pakistan's PM himself would go deep into enquiry and if finds nothing then would ask Indian government to provide Pakistan's study material and their level of intelligence to these supportive students of these supportive universities.

Gravitational force between earth and sun is actually 'Arvind Kejriwal'

​As a new billion-dollar US observatory has detected a gravitational wave, the same team of scientists also discovered Arvind Kejriwal as gravitational force between the sun and the earth.

"We saw a person wearing formal shirt and trouser holding earth in his hands and remained link between the two," said James Jonathan, a scientist in the team "After a careful and rigorous search we found that this guy was actually chief minister of Delhi Mr. Arvind Kejriwal. He on one day (some says it as an odd day) holds sun and on another day (even day) holds earth and maintain gravity between the two. He also revolves with earth and with himself. Because of this guy, even gravitational powers of other planets and their moons are maintained. There are many Kejriwals revolving in the universe who actually work day and night, odd and even to hold this gravitational power in tact."

Why are Sensex and Nifty falling today?

·        Latha Venkatesh saw a horrible dream of world coming to end by end of this year if nobody listens to her advice.

·        World woke up in the morning and suddenly realized that the health of banking and energy companies in Japan is bad.

·        So many Indians which always follow everything western and global, started selling off their shares as much as they could.

·        Everybody who ignored SP Tulsian's advice which he gave 2 years back on the same day that Nikkei would drop more than 5% someday are perished today. Two years back here on CNBC TV18 he told Zika virus would take Japanese bond yields to negative.

·        Somehow Japan was also punished for his run against Uncle Sam's greenback – that is so-called US dollar. Thereafter, on today's auspicious day every investor in the world woke up and started dumping Japanese stocks.

·        Stock markets in Asia were lower and Japanese government bond yields hit record lows after concerns about the health of banking and energy companies led to selloffs overnight.

·        Japanese expert Chon-kim-Won (also called SP Tulsian in English) "There are some concerns about the banking sector, energy sector and yen appreciation which I saw in my dreams."

·        Also Zika virus infected German unit of Canadian financial institution Maple Financial Group was closed by Germany's financial watchdog on Sunday.

Rahul Gandhi's lost toy found in the cupboard of declassified files of Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose

​In a significant event, Congress Vice President Rahul Gandhi's toy which was missing for over 35 years found on the cabinet of cupboard where files of Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose were kept. The officials who are on a 24x7 work of declassification of Netaji's files found the so-called toy which Rahul forgot in that cupboard while he was playing with Priyanka.

"Oh! Mummy my toy found inside the almira, whoopieee," said Rahul Gandhi, reacting to the development "I was searching for this favorite toy for so many years now I got it."

According to sources in the Congress Party, the toy was very close to Rahul's heart and since he lost it he stopped drinking Complan.

"Ohhh mama miya! Thank God you got that toy. Raul Baba made my life hell to found that toy. At least now he will start drinking Complan," said Congress Party President Sonia Gandhi.

Reacting to her statement, Rahul said "I am a Complan boy!"

Arvind Kejriwal auctions his sandals; buys 20 pair of shoes

Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal auctioned his epic sandals with pair of socks which he wore in front of French President Francois Hollande. A group of 500 Aam Aadmi Party (AAP) karyakartas bought the pair for Rs 1 lakh. "Everybody would get a chance to wear the sandal with socks for one day," said Ashutosh Khetan, the representative of group.

According to AAP sources, Kejriwal bought 20 pair of shoes from the auction money and to further improve India's image he would wear it as a garland.

Dr.Dang closed all his ties with Pakistan after latter's denial to Anupam Kher's visa

In response to Pakistan's refusal to grant visa to film star Anupam Kher, head of a terror organisation Dr. Dang snapped all his ties with the former country and announced that his army would not help in any activities of Pakistan's army or terror organisation against India.

"I always respected Anupamji for his patriotism and great acting talent. He always told me to do something for the country and stop helping Pakistan. However, due to greed for money and power I supported Pakistan's terror organisations and its army. Now as the country with whom I engaged for so many years denied visa to Anupamji, I have decided to break all the ties with that country and to help  Rana Vishwa Pratap Singh  with locations of their addas," Dr Dang told India Satire correspondent.

Anupam Kher portrayed Dr Dang in hindi movie Karma since then Dang became a big follower of the movie star.

Raghuram Rajan to use pendulum for interest rate decisions

Reserve Bank of India Governor Raghuram Rajan has initiated a major reform in the monetary policy of India's central bank. Going forward, the RBI governor will use pendulum instead of age old policy of using tie to decide on interest rates.

"We want to bring an unconventional change to the global perception towards interest rate decisions. Process of using tie to decide on interest rate is widely accepted across the world but it is very slow. Many times my tie stuck in the middle and therefore I need to take decision of holding rates. However, with pendulum which doesn't require my collar would help us on interest rate decision. It will also bring an autonomy to RBI's executive committee of deputy governors and would decentralise the decision making, as any deputy governor could hold the pendulum in his hand," said Rajan in a press release of RBI.

Rajan told India Satire correspondent that he would use new technology of throwing coin in the air to decide who the hell (deputy governor) would hold pendulum in his hand. India's Finance Minister Arun Jaitley, financial analysts, economists and many corporate honchos welcome Rajan's decision and advised him that if he is bringing some unconventional change to monetary policy of India he should stick to it for long.

Divine light illuminated after Rahul Gandhi gave his opinion on net neutrality - Reports

​According to reports, a divine light immediately illuminated from Congress Vice President Rahul Gandhi's head at the students' conference after he started giving his opinion on net neutrality. Although, India Satire correspondent was not present at the event, sources said that a circular godly light started widening behind Rahul Gandhi's head and illuminated entire conference with shining white rays. The light said that Rahul has become an immortal soul and achieved God like position.

"As he opened his mouth saying net neutrality, a light just like any other Cisca LED bulbs lighting started behind his head. We saw such light in the books of Chandamama, reflecting the godliness of God or precious souls," said Chandresh Pushkar, who was present in the conference.

Pushkar continued "Thereafter, we couldn't understand a single thing what he wanted to say or what he was talking about. The light from his head itself told us that ignore all things whatever he was talking about as we are very ordinary spirits know ordinary planetary things and have little knowledge about universe."

According to Congress Party sources, it is a very normal for Rahul when he talks about something intelligent while world couldn't understand. On the other hand, BJP told India Satire correspondent that the button of an LED bulb was in Rahul's hand.

Somewhere people are working on new problems before all the problems died down in the world - Report

Somewhere in the world few people from different streams are incessantly working on finding out some new problems to face the situation of all problems dying down in the world, said a study report of India Satire newsroom.

"People are working on all sorts of issues such as new impediments and diseases, new terror organizations, communal issues, inflation and every other problem. They are concerned about how the world would revolve if there would not be any scathing issue," said the report "People from media houses are working on issues to be created to criticize and communalize, people of political parties are thinking on new issues to politicize, pharmaceutical players are thinking about developing new diseases to cure them. Everybody is working on creating some issues and problems to keep the basket of problems full for the world."