China offers Pakistan disposable World Cup TV sets

A major trading partner and important friend of Pakistan, China offered the cricket loving country disposable television sets, made particularly for world cup matches against India.

"These television sets have 1 day battery life. People can throw them or break them with stones or anything in hand after Pakistan team loses the match against India," Chon Chu Pong, Director of Chinese TV maker Erres "We want to prove our friendship with Pakistan. We are with Pakistani people in their misery."

Chon Chu Pong said that China is developing a Pakistan specific TV set which will show exactly opposite of the world cup match between India-Pakistan. "So whenever Pakistan is playing with India, it will show Pakistan is winning by changing the colour of clothes of players to make our neighbour happy. Finally, its a big billion dollar market, somebody has to serve."

Manmohan Singh postpones going toilet to meet Chinese Premier Li Keqiang

Indian Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh postponed the urgent requirement to go to toilet for important meeting with Chinese Premier Li Keqiang. PMO claimed that postponing the important natural work is in line with India's strategic decision to defer Indo-China dispute for indefinite time.

"Going toilet was not that important than building long-term relationship with China. Toilet can wait. I didn't want Li to be felt humiliated," said India's PM Manmohan Singh, justifying his decision on postponing his unavoidable 'potty'.

Sources said that apart from few close acquaintances in the PMO, nobody was aware of Singh's decision to skip toilet. Everybody knew the intensity of the situation and significance of Indo-China relations.

"We didn't want to spill the beans and make Li uncomfortable and waiting. China is on fast growth trajectory and it can't wait for us. We knew that the India's top man Dr. Singh has enormous patience and perseverance. He also never let us down, kept his face calm and smiling, listen every words of Chinese Premier still kept his uneasiness with himself, not allowed to disclose anything on his face. The man of real toughness," said a source in PMO's division which helps prime minister taking diplomatic decisions.

The source confirmed that currently to not to spoil relations, PM also decided to postpone talks on India China border deals and Chinese incursion last month.

"Border matter will resolve automatically with law of nature. No need to worry about that," said Manmohan Singh. He also said "For broader national interest, I can avoid 'potty' for 1000 more times."

Salman Khurshid hospitalised found liters of Fevicol in his body

In a very sad event to India, External Affairs Minister Salman Khurshid hospitalised in AIIMS Delhi after he faced a serious digestion problem. The minister could not digest his meal for past 15 days. While the condition of Khurshid is now stable, Doctors asked him to control the binging of Fevicol.

"We found 6 liters of Fevicol in his body which was restraining him from digesting meal," said Dr. Ahuja who is treating Khurshid.

He said "Salman Khurshid used to consume a lot of adhesive on daily basis to improve the relationship with other nations, including neighbor countries. He believes in long-lasting relationship. However, due to his continuous and unrestrained lust for sweet Fevicol he crossed the recommended level for eating adhesives. A Foreign Minister is allowed to consume only 3 liters of Fevicol in 5 years. But this guy is a Rocket he drank double the recommended quantity in just 1 year. Boss, just can't see his underwear over his pant otherwise I would have called him Superman."

According to sources, every foreign minister of India consumes Fevicol (popular adhesive in India) which helps him improving stickiness in the relationship with other nations, particularly with neighboring countries. The sources also told that since joining the office Khurshid was greedier towards the adhesive leading to a serious systemic failure in his body.

 "His stomach was full of unwanted sticky Fevicol and we had to take loads of efforts to remove it. Now his condition is stable," said Doctor.

Khurshid is considered as most neighbor friendly foreign minister. He always tried to improve bilateral ties and focused on long lasting relationship with the nations. Recently he was planning to visit China for improving ties with the neighbor. However, China canceled his visa twice for no reason.

"I want to sit together with China and improve ties with them. I don't concern whether they are in 10-14 kms of Indian boundary. My concern is how to get into long-lasting relationship with them. For that I am ready to book a birth for them in Delhi too," told Salman Khurshid last week in a press conference.

Khurshid earlier used this strategy with Pakistan's Interior Minister Rehman Malik who visited India after Pakistani Military beheaded Indian Jawans and mutilated their bodies. Salman Khurshid met Malik hugged him closely and hanged with him outdoors for a beautiful romantic candlelight dinner.

"Ties are more important than these paltry events. Fevicol helped me to improve the stickiness with these guys. Whenever I meet any guy from other nation I stick my tongue to his tongue and thereafter a long standing and sticky relationships begin with that country," told Khurshid to India Satire Correspondent in the hospital.

Congress accused RSS' hand behind China incursion

Senior Congress leaders accused China over joining hands with Hindu extreme outfits like RSS, conspiring against the UPA Government in 2014 elections. The leaders said that China incursion in India just ahead of elections only point out finger towards RSS and BJP.

"We smell a conspiracy sponsored by RSS in conjunction with China to weaken credibility of UPA Government just ahead of elections. Otherwise, we don't think there was any need for China to take such radical step. However, our approach is crystal clear and our focus is only on improving bilateral ties and long lasting relationship with our neighboring countries," said Manish Tewari, a Congress Spokesperson and Minister in the UPA Government.

He threw light on current events in Indian politics that show government's lame approach over tackling issues with Italy, Maldives, Sri Lanka and Pakistan.

"You can't use our current weak condition to grab our neck. That is a cheating. We may be helpless, dumb and trash in resolving diplomatic problems but that can happen to anybody. You can't suddenly take the help of our opposition parties to weaken us. We know that this kind of effort needs support of terror organizations such as RSS," observed Congress General Secretary Digvijay Singh.

He said "My sources have confirmed that China has joined hands with BJP to put us in uneasy situation."

While the government is still evaluating the impact of China's incursion over the elections in India, it has made clear that efforts of RSS to endanger secularism would not be tolerated.

"We will not tolerate indirect war of RSS and BJP by letting them use China. With grace of Rahul and Soniaji we can fight with any kind of visible and invisible enemy," said some sundry and unknown Congress politician.

China's gay growth rate improved sharply by 22% in first quarter

China reported a sharp jump in gay growth rate by 22% in the first quarter of 2013, giving a major relief to its slowing economy. Gay growth rate, the parameter that shows an improving lifestyle in the country is at record high levels.

"We are happy that the country is progressing fast and more and more population is taking up gay culture. The country's 2020 vision to make 90% population gay will definitely achieved if we progress at this rate," said Xi Hinua, Human Resource Official of Chinese Government.

He said that consistency in rising gay population will also help the country to reduce population to half by 2050.

"We are on track of reducing our population to half by 2050, as lesbians and gays are not naturally endowed by production facilities. Our Prime Minister and President have already embraced gay culture and have selected their respective partners. Now nation is on fast track to become 100% gay," said Xi.

China has already converted its 50% population to a category called LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bi-Sexual and Transgender) in last one decade to enable itself as most modern and advanced nation and also curtail rising population number. The country announced many measures such as free dating on any KFC and McDonald's restaurant, free world tour to gay couple and government sharing burden of marriage expenditure.

Xi said "This way our population will easily come down below India's population over next 5-10 years. We also believe that India's military will scare of Chinese gay military."

Experts confirmed that millitary might against India has no medical benefits for China

Experts across the World, India and China said that incursion on Indian land will not increase the size of nose, eyes and height of any Chinese man.

"Boss, if Chinese are thinking that their demonstration of millitary power on Indian soil will help them increase their size of their height, nose and eyes then they are thinkingday dreaming. I am sure that even after this encroachment they will continue to look ugly piggy banks," said Zubeid Hussain, an Indian millitary expert.

Recently, Chinese troops entered in Ladaakh, crossing Indian borders cleanly. While experts are still to understand about the reason behind incursion, a leading Chinese newspaper China Daily said that such periodical attacks on India will resolve Chinese genetic problem completely. The leading newspaper which is also known as mouthpiece of Chinese Government said that such efforts will improve looks of average Chinese people and they will be able to impress US and European girls. China Daily also said that it would also help improve sex power of Chinese people, which was always considered as lack of energy and vitality.

The daily said "Otherwise there is no other option left for any average dirty and ugly looking Chinese man. They will never require to take viagra everyday."