India's stock market regulator Securities Exchange Board of India (SEBI) officially confirmed that it's officers never clean their asses even after they come out of toilets, leaving them dirty and unclean. A senior official of the regulator was talking with the India Satire correspondent in a reply to its legal step against liquor baron Vijay Mallya after he left the country, easily selling everything he owned. According to the official, providing easy exit to Vijay Mallya after many years of Kingfisher fiasco is routine work for the regulator and comes under the duty to protect rights of investors.
"That is how we work. We think somebody else would clean the shit out of our asshole and let it keep unclean there," said Pappu Pandey assistant of SEBI Chief "Everybody functions that way here. We don't like to use our hands to clean that shitty thing. See as a SEBI officer I am here to rightfully live lavish lifestyle. Why would we even touch a dirty shit that's called Vijay Mallya. Let he get the nature's hand to automatically clean just the way shitty Anderson was cleaned after years of Bhopal gas tragedy. We are not hear to clean that shit but to protect rights of investors."
He confirmed that everybody was aware that Vijay Mallya sold his shares in United Spirits and Breweries and other properties before flying to London after writing some emotional crap.
"That is how we function. We protected his right to sell his shares in a full transparent manner and also allowed him to delist Kingfisher Airlines rightfully with much of grace. Now as the nature has cleaned our asshole from that dirty little shit, we plan to do something for crappy little investors," he told the correspondent.
When the correspondent asked him if the shit gets clean after bath, he said " We never bath."
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