Indian government not yet ready to admit its hypocrisy

Indian government in a special circular said that it was not yet prepared to admit itself a hypocrite government. It confirmed that it wanted to remove all the air from the minds of its bhakts and trolls which think today or tomorrow or someday it the government would act unbiased.

"We are closely studying our reactions to tricky issues and behavioral patterns. We are still not ready to handle any situation with unbiased and fair manner. We need some time to get rid off our hypocrite nature, forget our behavior and nature but a simple thing that we even can't admit that we are extremely hypocrite," said India's Home Minister Rajnath Singh in the statement just after he told Kashmir NIT students that he ensured their safety and security while completely as well as most conveniently avoiding about the actions he would ensure against the guilty policemen.

"Our greed doesn't allow us to question Kashmir state government while our hypocrite nature doesn't allow us to give right answers just to hide our nudity," said Rajnath Singh "Possibly we will achieve the target in next few years or else we will become Congress."

Rakhi Sawant asks Dolly Bindra to stop eating to get rid of her piles

After advising India's Prime Minister Narendra Modi on putting ban on ceiling fans, Bollywood Diva Rakhi Sawant asked another Bollywood Diva Dolly Bindra to stop eating and control her piles. Rakhi Sawant with Dolly Bindra was addressing media on the unfortunate ocassion of Pratyusha's suicide.

​"Dolly tu bhi yaad rakh. Tujhe agar piles thik karna hoga to tujhe khaana chodana padega (Dolly if you want to cure your piles you will have to stop eating)," Rakhi told Dolly immediately after ban ceiling fan campaign "Thoda thoda mat kar. Tu thoda bhi nahi kha sakti. Bilkul khana chod de nahi to tera ye piles nahi thik hoga," Rakhi replied to Dolly as she was insisting that she could eat in small quantities at least.

​(Indicative image of piles, not necessarily of Dolly Bindra's)

Fake News

Amitabh Bachchan admits wrongdoings; tried Panama many times

Confirming the allegations about the wrongdoings in Panama Papers, Bollywood Super Star Amitabh Bachchan confirmed he tried Panama ones but that too in his young age.

"I had Panama many times in my young age. I also hid them in my cup board from my father's eyes," said Amitabh Bachchan "The smoke was awesome. However, when I started feeling guilty about it and I stopped smoking."

"What are you talking about?" when India Satire correspondent asked Amitabh, he said "I am talking about Panama cigarettes, they were famous in my young age and everybody used to smoke hiding from his parents. Even I had lot of cartons secretly putting away from my Papa's eyes."

​However, Amitabh told correspondent that he was not aware that his daughter-in-law Aishwarya Rai Bachchan also tried Panama.

Stock prices of A.C. companies rise as Rakhi Sawant demands ban on ceiling fans

Stock prices of A.C. companies including Voltas, Lloyd Electric, Blue Star and Hitachi Homes zoomed as Rakhi Sawant asked India's Prime Minister Narendra Modi to ban ceiling fans.

Pathankot JIT to investigate Nawaz Sharif's Panama assets

After the succes of Pakistan's Joint Investigation Team led by Punjab's Additional Inspector General of Police, Counter Terrorism Department, Muhammad Tahir Rai in investigating the role India in Pathankot terror and proving it was self managed, Pakistan's Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif appointed them to probe his own offshore dealings revealed by Panama papers. PM Nawaz Sharif was one of the esteemed political figures who saw his and his family's name in the Panama Papers. Panamanian law firm Mossack Fonseca (MF), show that Sharif's sons and daughter, Hussain Nawaz, Hasan Nawaz Sharif and Mariam Safdar, set up at least four offshore companies in the British Virgin Islands (BVI). According to leak, these companies owned at least six upmarket properties overlooking London's Hyde Park.

To clear air, Nawaz Sharif said "He he he, they couldn't find anything sort of Pakistan's involvement in Pathankot terror attack despite it being there. I am sure they will find nothing with me as well. Whoooopppppieeeee. Let them do the probe."

India invites Pakistan's JIT again to prove Pathankot attack was not 'stage managed'

After the news report in Pakistan daily 'Pakistan Today' quoted an unnamed JIT member as saying that the attack was nothing but "vicious propaganda" against Pakistan as Indian authorities did not have any evidence to back their claims, Indian government invited the same JIT members to India to allow it to prove that the attack was not stage managed and the government is innocent.

"We are humble cows. We never conspire," said an official of PMO India "We invite them again to probe our intentions and if anything wrong they find we will surrender to them."

The official confirmed that Indian establishment will fully cooperate with them again and would help in probing itself.

"PM Narendra Modi will personally go to Pakistan and will request the JIT to come to India and investigate us," said the official.

Pathankot JIT probe panel eats nuclear biryani post completion of probe

Pakistani news paper Pakistan Today confirmed that after completing the probe in Pathankot terror attack, the joint investigation team of Pakistan satisfactorily ate nuclear biryani, made with uranium and traces of plutonium and got blasted. The Pakistani team led by Punjab's Additional Inspector General of Police, Counter Terrorism Department, Muhammad Tahir Rai came last week to India to investigate the terror incident at Pathankot.

"I am feeling some gases have to be released," after eating the tasty nuclear biryani, the costliest biryani in Pakistan offered to only special people "I am going to release them."

After releasing the stuck up nuclear gases, onlookers and listeners saw a big blast and smoke everywhere with familiar smell of gas.