Pathankot JIT to investigate Nawaz Sharif's Panama assets

After the succes of Pakistan's Joint Investigation Team led by Punjab's Additional Inspector General of Police, Counter Terrorism Department, Muhammad Tahir Rai in investigating the role India in Pathankot terror and proving it was self managed, Pakistan's Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif appointed them to probe his own offshore dealings revealed by Panama papers. PM Nawaz Sharif was one of the esteemed political figures who saw his and his family's name in the Panama Papers. Panamanian law firm Mossack Fonseca (MF), show that Sharif's sons and daughter, Hussain Nawaz, Hasan Nawaz Sharif and Mariam Safdar, set up at least four offshore companies in the British Virgin Islands (BVI). According to leak, these companies owned at least six upmarket properties overlooking London's Hyde Park.

To clear air, Nawaz Sharif said "He he he, they couldn't find anything sort of Pakistan's involvement in Pathankot terror attack despite it being there. I am sure they will find nothing with me as well. Whoooopppppieeeee. Let them do the probe."

India invites Pakistan's JIT again to prove Pathankot attack was not 'stage managed'

After the news report in Pakistan daily 'Pakistan Today' quoted an unnamed JIT member as saying that the attack was nothing but "vicious propaganda" against Pakistan as Indian authorities did not have any evidence to back their claims, Indian government invited the same JIT members to India to allow it to prove that the attack was not stage managed and the government is innocent.

"We are humble cows. We never conspire," said an official of PMO India "We invite them again to probe our intentions and if anything wrong they find we will surrender to them."

The official confirmed that Indian establishment will fully cooperate with them again and would help in probing itself.

"PM Narendra Modi will personally go to Pakistan and will request the JIT to come to India and investigate us," said the official.

Pathankot JIT probe panel eats nuclear biryani post completion of probe

Pakistani news paper Pakistan Today confirmed that after completing the probe in Pathankot terror attack, the joint investigation team of Pakistan satisfactorily ate nuclear biryani, made with uranium and traces of plutonium and got blasted. The Pakistani team led by Punjab's Additional Inspector General of Police, Counter Terrorism Department, Muhammad Tahir Rai came last week to India to investigate the terror incident at Pathankot.

"I am feeling some gases have to be released," after eating the tasty nuclear biryani, the costliest biryani in Pakistan offered to only special people "I am going to release them."

After releasing the stuck up nuclear gases, onlookers and listeners saw a big blast and smoke everywhere with familiar smell of gas.

India demands specific dates to be declared much ahead of any India-Pakistan peace talks and terror attacks

IT WILL HELP EVACUATE INDIANS FROM TERROR SPOTS

Indians demanded specific dates from Government of India to be declared before any peace talks and resultant terror attacks by terrorists. Indians told India Satire correspondent that specific dates in hand would help them evacuate places where terror incidents would happen.

"We have no issues if Indian government wants to do anything to Pakistan but boss before doing it just send us the calendar of Modi's upcoming surprise visits, peace initiations and thereafter resultant dates of terror attacks with specific places where these events going to happen. We don't care what bullshit Pakistan wants to do, we care what Indian government is going to tell us," said an Indian frustrated with an idea that everytime when India initiates peace talks Pak army and terrorists plot terror attack.

"Boss! That is what we know from our childhood. Whenever we are going to offer them friendly hand they would send few nasty terrorists to kill the talks. So if I know this, you know this, government know this, Pakistan know this, its army know this and terrorists know this then why the hell Indians don't know where the terror incident is going to happen. We have no issue if you like them to attack repeatedly on us, but at least tell us they will attack us here or wherever, we can evacuate that place and save our life," Indian told Indian government.

Mars Orbiter to evacuate Indians and settle them on Mars after Pathankot terror attack

India's Mangalayan (Mars Orbiter) would come back to India and will take all Indians to planet Mars, as Earth remains a major challenge for them and their lives. Government of India told India Satire correspondent that the vicious cycle of cuddling Pakistan government and after that Pakistan army would send terrorists to India to conduct terror attacks should be broken down and therefore it has decided to send all Indians to planet mars and settle them till India's talks with Pakistan successfully completes.

​"Hopefully, Pakistan has not reached to mars and therefore we decided to secure Indians from the attacks on India by sending them to mars. Pakistan army and terror outfits are 1000 times stronger than us and we also worry the delicacy of matters. As my father told me in my childhood that we need to continue talks with Pakistan and face the resultant terror attacks, thats fun for Pakistan. But I believe it would be better evacuate Indians from India and send them to mars so that fun would be limited for them," said India's home minister Rajnath Singh.

Rajnath Singh confirmed that talks with Pakistan were important for unknown reasons and therefore to save Indians from unknown attacks government had gone a step ahead by deciding their livelihood at mars.

Ajit Doval reveals strategy of Pakistan army is to derail peace talks between India and Pakistan

India's National Security Adviser Ajit Doval revealed a shocking input to India Satire correspondent that Pakistan's strategy is to derail India - Pakistan peace talks as per the intelligence inputs he received from Intelligence Bureau and RAW.

"I just came to know this shocking revelation. IB chief and RAW chief personally told me that if India initiates peace talks with Pakistan, Pakistan army asks terrorists to attack India for unknown reasons. And my sources told me that Pakistan is using this strategy for years, however, we Indians were not aware about it," said Ajit Doval.

Doval confirmed that earlier he believed peace talks means something plain vanilla talks, however, he was not aware about this totally a new revelation that Pakistan's army doesn't want these talks to happen and therefore kill innocent Indian citizens.

"Now as we came to know that whenever we initiate peace talk they would certainly send terrorists, we can device a new strategy. See, we will tell them we want to talk and they will send terrorists and we will capture them, this way we can capture thousands of terrorists," said Ajit Doval.