From the Archives - Story behind creation of 'Pinga' song for Bajirao Mastani

Recently, Bollywood Director Sanjay Leela Bhansali officially released one fourth Marathi and three fourth Hindi 'Pinga' song. The song is divided into two parts one Marathi folk song 'Pinga ga pori pinga' and the second one is 'latpat latpat'. Both these songs astoundingly merged in each other by the creative director Sanjay Leela Bhansali and more than #4$%%@%^@@%$ (Word used on Planet X$%2636 to describe more than superb) performed by Deepika Padukone and Priyanka Chopra.

The India Satire brings to you a glorious history of creation of this song:

300 BC: Sanjay Leela Bhansali invented RGB (red, green and blue) colours and their 457,460,265,920,626 variants and offered them to world at free of cost

385 BC: Sanjay Leela Bhansali composed pinga ga pori pinga song in a colour variant number 96,7,36 of RGB colour group which became popular folk Song in the same colour in Maharashtra

385BC-1739AD: Worked on the story of Sawaria

1736: Sanjay Leela Bhansali personally saw Kashibai and Mastani dancing together on an eve of celebration of some regional festival of women in Maharashtra. They both were inspired from the dance of Madhuri and Aishwarya in Sanjay Leela Bhansali's play 'Devdas'; However, SLB said that he was not satisfied with the dance as both kashibai and Mastani disinclined showing their underbellies

1739: Sanjay Leela Bhansali purchased story rights of Bajirao Mastani from Peshwa Bajirao with right of modification in colours sets costume

1930: Sanjay Leela Bhansali composed latpat latpat song in the colour variant of 0,92,0 of RGB colour group

1950: Sanjay Leela Bhansali sold rights of latpat song to his favourite student V Shantaram; V Shantaram learnt art of creating large unbelievable sets from SLB

1952: The latpat song was first shown in a Marathi movie Amar Bhoopali, with due permission of Sanjay Leela Bhansali

1974: Sanjay Leela Bhansali sold rights of 'Pinga' song again to his ardent follower and student V Shantaram

2015: According to sources on the sets of Bajirao Mastani, Sanjay Leela Bhansali asked Deepika Padukone to apply half a ton of Fair & Lovely fairness cream to look fair like Mastani did in the century of 1700s; he also lit up 560 watt Cisca LED bulb straight flashing on her face so that she should look Persian than imported Mastani from Combodia

2015: Both Kashibai and Mastani personally choreographed the dance of Deepika and Priyanka under the strict instructions of Sanjay Leela Bhansali.

This time Bhansali asked Deepika and Priyanka to show their tummies till underbellies so that his creativity would be clearly visible; it would look like both are real passionate in dancing unlike their original counterparts in circa 1700s.

Bhansali clearly told India Satire correspondent that he wants people to think story of Bajirao Mastani in 1700s was more a duplicate while the movie looks original and real

2015: Sanjay Leela Bhansali confirmed the correspondent that in 1739 probably ladies never wanted to clearly show their tummies but he signed an agreement with Peshwa Bajirao on deciding about costume liberally.

2015: Colours of sets: Different shades of green

Colours of the sets of the song decided back in 1990s when Sanjay Leela Bhansali liked semi light green colours of the greenery which grew near his toilet of the backyard of his house while light green and dark green colours are of his favourite underwears.

2015: Colours of costume: Different shades of green and brown

Costume colour of mob and other participants perfectly match with the colours of walls and doors. Sanjay Leela Bhansali used every variant of green colour in the saris of co-participants of the top actresses.

Bhansali took deliberate efforts to give equality to both the actresses by keeping Priyanka's sari colour dull and Deepika's sari colour flashy. He was aware that Priyanka would otherwise eat his dream girl by dancing better in the song.

Bhansali camp said that bold red colour for Deepika depicts new love while dull colour for Priyanka shows old love of Bajirao.

Movie Preview: Chakor gives preview of Sanjay Leela Bhansali's Bajirao Mastani

(We have invited Chakor who is also very close to movie director Sanjay Leela Bhansali since his child hood. He took most of his teachings from Chakor.)

​Ee aisan hi kuch dhaai hazaar saal pehele ki baat hum kare honge. Hamaar potee Leela hamaar paas aakai hamaar godi main ek nanha jachcha bachcha diye rahai.

Uu bachcha total hi alag tha. Jaisen Chanakya ko bachpan me daat aaye gawa the waisen hi ee bachcha ka muh pura dadhi muccho se bhare huye tha.
Jaisan hi uu bachche ko humne godi mein uthaye wo hamaar sachool ka uniform dekh ke "beelu-beelu" chillana chalu kiya, tabhaise hamebhi pata chala ki ee badmash bada hokar hamaar naam roshan karaiga.Aaj bhi humka yaad rahai rahe ki uu din Sunday tha aur eesi waaste humne uu bachche ka naam Sanjaywa rakha.Tabaise hum Sanju baba ko apne godi me khilaye rahai hai.
Sanju baba kabhai bhi sachool nahi gaya. Uu toh kauno aur gola se padh likhke aaye rahai. Aaj eesi hamaar shishya ki filam ka bislesanwa karne me humka bahutan hi proudwa sa feel huye rahai hai. 

Ab hum uu ka nayi mubie 'Bajirao Mastani' ke baare me baat karat hai

Movie Preview of Bajirao Mastani

v  Sanjaywa hamesha se hi hum ka sabai se pahele uu ki har koi mubie dikhawat rahe hai aur agar hum naahi haa bolat rahe to uu kisi aur ko bhi dikhawat nahi hai. Uu ki ee Bajirao Mastani toh humka Saabaria se bhi jyaada pasand aaye rahe. Lekin humka ek cheejan ke bare me samajh na aawat hai, Sanju hamesha hamaar gola ke logan waaste mubie banaawat rahai hai toh kaa ee correct hoga ka ki hum apne ne perspectibe se ee mubie ka prebiew denge?

v  Toh ee mubie ko Sanju baba ne kuch dui hazaar saal pehele likha rahe aur uu ke hisaab se pehele ee mubie ki kauno ajeeb se gola ki bhasha me serial bhi banawat rahe hai. Kauno ajeeb si Marathi bhasha rahe hai. Uu serial wa ee mubie ki copy rahe hai. Aap ko andar ki baat batawat hai ki ee Bajirao aur Mastani bhi ee gola pe teen sau-chaar sau saal pehele Sanju baba se pehele puch ke aaye rahe hai.

v  Toh ee mubie me eek saath do lub story chalte rahat hai. Eek lub story dibaar ki hot hai jisme eek dibaar ko dusre dibaar se pyaar hot hai aur unka beech me tisri dibaar aat rahe. To peheli dibaar dono dibaar se shaadi karat rahe hai aur un tin dibaaro me se do dibaare girat rahe hai aur tisri dibaar jinda rahat hai.  Sabai dibaare mast dikhat hai, sabka upar Sanju babane chudiya aur gehene pehenaaye hai.

v  Dusri lub story teen insaano ki hot hai jiska dekhna kauno jaroorat ka kaam naahi hai. Humka laagat rahe ki mubie me logan ki jaroorat hi naahi thi. Uu serial me to kauno dibaare nahi thi, uu me to logan hi logan the isiliye uu serial flopwa huyi gayi. Lekin hiya apna sasura Sanju baba ne dibaaro se acting karwayi rahi aur logan to aisan hi hiya uha ghumat rahe. Sanju baba ne to humka promise kiye hai agle time wo dibaar ko hi lega aur logan ko naahi.

v  Baaki ee mubie me kuch aur log bhi kaam karat hai, jaisen Bajirao, Mastani aur Kashibai. Lekin humka uu dibaar waale gaane me (Deewani Mastani) toh Bajirao ke peeche waali dibaar ki acting bahutan hi pasand aayi rahi. Uu ka colour bhi sabhai ke colourwa se mel khaat raha tha. Uu Mastani toh itna dibaar se mel khat rahe thi ki hum kuch der ke baaste confusewa gaye the ki ee sasur ki naati dibaar to nahi. Uu gaane me humka ekai hi defectwa mila, Bajirao jauno kursi pe baithat hai uu me se ek kursi ka pair ke neechle tale me eek taraf se eek chota shisha gaayab huye rahai. Humne Sanju baba ko uu defectwa bataaye diya aur sasure ne humka promise bhi kiye rahai ki agli baar wo thik waali kursi mangayega dusre waale gola se.

v  Baaki to jyaada humka baat naahi karne ko milegi. Bhaiyaaji hamaar khilaf saajish kare hai ki hum school jaaye lekin hume to aur hi kaamo me ras rahe hai (conspiracies, time pass, bitching and gossiping). Ee mubie se pehele toh ka do chashme pehen ne padenge. Eek me se logan dikhenge aur eek me se dibaare. Eek special chashma bhi pehene rehena padega kyoki uu Mastani aisan kaahe waste dekhat hai ye pata karne ke liye.

Spaceship arrives to take Aamir Khan found two other aliens, Shahrukh Khan and Deepika Padukone

Swati Gupta

Delhi: 15-December-2015

A spaceship arrived at Mumbai from P.K.'s planet (gola) to take Aamir Khan (P.K.) found two other aliens Shahrukh Khan and Deepika Padukone on the earth. According to spokesperson of P.K.'s gola who also administered the spacecraft's landing on the earth told India Satire correspondent that P.K. had become so outsized that despite having 10 accomplices, they couldn't fit P.K. into spacecraft. He told that it was all disheartening till they saw their two other mates, who are called Shahrukh Khan and Deepika Padukone on the earth.

"Hum to soche rahai the ki hum uu gola kabhai waapis naahi jaayenge bina P.K. ko liye. Par hume ee gola pe hamaar gola ke dusre jeev jantu deekhe. Eek ka naam S.K. (Shahrukh Khan) rahai aur dusre kaa naam Piku (Deepika Padukone) rahai," said spokesperson R.K. who along with P.K. earlier arrived on the earth at the time of climax scene of movie P.K.

R.K. said that he identified both these elements from specific identification marks.

"Uu Pikuji P.K.ji jaisen dekhat rahai aur ee Shahrukhwa ke pet pe P.K. jaisen 16 biskut rahe hai," said R.K. in a single deep breath.

R.K. continued "Uu P.K. gudbag toh ka se kaa hui gawaa, ekdum aikai saal me dancing car ban gaya. Hamaar gola kaa eek eek aadmi ko laage rahe ki P.K. aur uuka bife ko ee gola mai sabhai log pareshaan karat rahai. Hum to uuka lene aaye the, par uu sasur ka naati to ee tashtari me fit hee naahi hua. Fir hamaar register me humne do aur logan ki entry dekhi. Ekai S.K. rahai aur dui Piku rahai."

R.K. told correspondent that one alien who calls himself as Shahrukh Khan and flashes his unnatural 16 packs body exactly looks like P.K. Currently, he has just returned from his visit of Patal Lok to complete his trilogy of crap movies, Chain (he clarifies hindi wala sukh-chain wala chain) Nahi Express, Happy Few Tears and Millwale, after which he was supposed to become their native.

​"Shahrukh is very popular in Patal Lok due to his zombie like looks and we are not going to allow anybody to take to any other planet," said security officer of Patal Lok.

P.K.'s accomplices would face similar problems with Piku's takeover.

Piku's eyes and body exactly looks like P.K. She stares like P.K. and like him she has a strong aversion for a device known as clothes on this gola.

​High similarity of Piku's eyes with PK

"Piku ka soch bilkul P.K. jaisan hai, eekdum hamaar gola ka prani jaisan. Parantu uu ka bhi kauno problem rahi hai. Eekai sanstha jauka naam CRY hai uu ke liye Piku kaam kare hai. Piku uu sanstha ki bhuke nange bachcho ke liye jo kaam kiya jaat hai uu ka duut rahe hai. Hum toh ab sochai rahai hai ki hamaar baaju waale gola ka Thor ko bole ki ee sabai jeev jantu jo hamaar gola ka ees gola pe hai unkaa lekai aao," said R.K.

Our correspondent Swati thanked Alien profusely, for his efforts to take away his gola ka prani.

(Reported by our journalist Swati Gupta)

Decomposed body of history found at Sanjay Leela Bhansali's house

History Police found a decomposed body of History cut into 3000 pieces at the backyard of Sanjay Leela Bhansali's house. For Bhansali's fans, his backyard is a mix of red, purple and blue colour specially imported from women's planet WO452$43. It is totally an original colour on the mother earth. Ok! Back to the story, History Police immediately arrested Bhansali and took him to Patal Lok (hell).

"This Sanjay Leela guy has kept history in his house for past 20 years. Earlier he was a small kind of criminal, copying some old Bollywood or Hollywood movies converting them into some stupid strange versions by adding some new expressionless people, idiotic colours and weird sets just to show he was original. Every time he copies something from some great old movie, History lost her body parts. Now after many years of harassment, Bhansali finally cut her throat by directing Bajirao Mastani. Under Patal lok (hell) Penal Code (PPC) we arrested him to take to face the trial of Yam Raj," said Patal lok administrator Chitragupta.

Why did Patal Lok Police arrest Sanjay Leela Bhansali?

"Boss he showed Bajirao dancing like a Mawaali on the nukkad and dark Mastani incessantly staring for nothing. On top of that he showed Kashibai and Mastani are dancing, showing their bellies, underbellies and what not portions of their bodies. Boss, if he had slight amount of creativity, then I have creator (God) with me," said Chitragupta when India Satire correspondent asked him the reasons for taking Bhansali to Patal Lok

What will happen with Sanjay Leela Bhansali in Patal Lok?

Giving the details about how the justice is made in Patal Lok, Chitragupta told India Satire correspondent "See we can't take his life in Patal Lok as he received immortality way back 2000 years ago when Kali Yug began. However, we will do our best to castigate him if found guilty as per Patal Lok court. He will be fried in a dark red oily pan, boiled in green pressure cooker and roasted in yellow sandwich maker. His eyes and brain are not made to watch different colours and therefore we will put him in a tunnel with full of colours and make him think how it feels when somebody harasses the real history for the sake of showing few stupid dance steps with skinny bodies."

​What will happen to him on the earth?

"There are many people on the earth who deserve watching contaminated histories. Just like a donkey roars and yells and still becomes biggest and most popular singer in the today's world," said Chitragupta "And therefore Bhansali's leela would still get commendation from the world. However, here in Patal lok 'ab toh wo gaya'."

How does Patal Lok look-a-like?

"Watch Dilwale's "Gerua" song to know how Patal Lok looks. That song is directly shot in Patal Lok with Shahrukh Khan (booked for a seat in Patal Lok) danced with Kajol and directed by Rohit Shetty (he also booked for a seat in Patal Lok) and sang by Arijeet Singh, permanent member of Patal Lok. 

​We only supplied them corpses of front part of  MH-370 to shoot the song. That part was a sinful creature and took life of many people," said Chitragupta "And it will remain there while we are waiting for above-mentioned creatures to arrive at Patal Lok."

(Swati Gupta, our special correspondent added inputs of Patal Lok. She personally interviewed Chitragupta)

Mars Orbiter "Mangalyaan" sends new and fresh photos of Mars to Sanjay Leela Bhansali

India's Mars Orbiter (Mangalyaan) has started sending new and fresh photographs of Mars to Sanjay Leela Bhansali (SLB), according to ISRO. The ISRO official told India Satire correspondent that new photographs would help SLB to select the locations for a song of his next movie. According to a source, after humongous success of Deewani Mastani song because of its "everything in gold" color and Deepika's natural stares, SLB wants to shoot a song for his next movie venture after Bajirao Mastani on a location where natural red color is available. The source also told us that Aishwarya Rai Bachchan and Deepika Padukone will dance in that song.

"Mangalyaan has sent 45 new photos of the North Pole of Mars to Bhansaliji. Next month it will send photos of South Pole and by January end it will complete all the photography works," said ISRO official SL Nair.

Last year, India sent Mars Orbiter to the red planet to gather information of new-new locations, colors and climates so that SLB would get more options for shooting his next movies. The source told correspondent that the orbiter was designed by SLB himself and gifted it to ISRO.

​Better days for lonely Mars

"He is a genius scientist although his scientific mind shadowed by his thirst for having great locations, designing out-of-the-world but real sets and canvassing new colors. Red planet was always in his mind for his next unnamed movie venture with Aishwarya Rai Bachchan and he chose Mars to shoot one of the many songs in the movie. Aishwarya will profusely dance with Deepika Padukone in that song and SLB wants to make it most famous dance in the universe. He provided us all the materials, designs and funds for it and used ISRO's satellite launch vehicle to launch orbiter," said SL Nair thrashing the allegations that ISRO itself developed the orbiter.

Nair told correspondent that as soon as Mangalyaan completes its work of sending photographs, SLB will personally visit the red planet and would immediately start shooting the film.

Sources from SLB's production unit confirmed the development and told India Satire correspondent that SLB is very excited about the idea to shoot a song on red planet.

"Whatever you see in "Deewani Mastani" song is not golden color but actual gold. Everything from Deepika's dress to wall of the set is made with real gold. Last year 80% of gold imported in India was actually by SLB only. He never drew his hand from spending it on real original things. He wants to fulfill his dream watching Aish and Deeps dancing together and for that he is ready to take entire crew to Mars," said the source from SLB's production unit.