Arvind Kejriwal decides to use brain on odd days; rhetoric on even days

Architect of innovative mind, Aam Aadmi Party Chief and Chief Minister of Delhi Arvind Kejriwal finally decided to provide rest to his brain on even days while flow of allegation and rhetoric will not come on odd days. According to AAP sources, Kejriwal has taken this important step to reduce rising thought and noise pollution in Delhi.

"We received a lot of complaints from Delhi people who couldn't cope with the speed of Kejriwal's hyper active brain, which activates every next second. They feel that so much of thinking, ideas and innovations have actually polluted their own minds with jumble the thoughts," said AAP leader Ashish Khetan "Many Delhites told us that they are not yet matured enough to understand ideas that come in Kejriwal's brain. They also feel that they believe Kejriwal's allegations and rhetoric as much as they believe God's words. However, so many propaganda points are difficult for them to digest in one day and therefore they requested Arvind to do something."

Khetan told India Satire correspondent that immediately Arvind Kejriwal's brain started working and found out a new idea that he would allow his brain to think on odd days and create rhetoric on even days. However, this formula will not be applied on his radio and tv ads and they would run each and every minute to keep Delhites aware of his brain is continuously thinking something.

People want Arvind Kejriwal to perform some cha-cha-cha - Survey

98.7% respondents in Delhi want Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal to perform cha-cha-cha and shakalaka boom boom, according to a survey conducted by ABP News and A.C.Nielsen jointly. This survey complements the earlier survey conducted by same surveyors indicating 57% respondents gave positive feedback on odd-even formula for car driving if Arvind Kejriwal completes their abovementioned demand. Rest of the respondents said that it was Arvind Kejriwal's duty to entertain them.

"He looks a great hip-hop dancer almost all the respondents unanimously agreed upon," said Ramesh Khetan surveyor "If we fit a hat on his head and colour his moustache with large hair and a big black colour goggle, he would perfectly look hippy. Respondents suggested that if he perform some shakalaka every week and entertain them they would again vote him in the next elections and would accept his odd formula. Most of the respondents suggested him to wear pink colour shirt with velvet colour flowers embossed on it and red colour shorts while dancing."

(P.S.: Nobody knows why ABP News and AC Nielsen didn't publish this survey results, said a Delhite.)

Arvind Kejriwal softens odd-even formula; Delhites can ride horse or donkey to reach office

In a major relief to Delhites after announcement of annoying Rs 2000 fine if violates odd-even formula by commuters, Delhi state government softened its stand. The state government announced that the Delhi citizens can ride their horses and donkeys on alternate days. While the government hasn't yet announced on what day people would get the opportunity to ride on horses or donkeys, it said that the ministers and MLAs of Delhi government would every day ride on elephants. Delhi citizen lobbies welcomed the new sweetened deal from the government.

When asked on which animal Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal would ride, party source said that there was no dearth of donkeys in the party and he would choose second best animal to fulfill requirement.

Arvind Kejriwal thrashes Donald Trump; claims crony capitalists are communal people

Swati Gupta

Delhi: 09-December-2015

India's Yug Purush and last clean politician, Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal claimed his followers that crony capitalism and communalism are sisters and that has been proved by U.S. Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump. He advised all the Muslims and intellects to come to Delhi and he will provide free residence as well as free water and electricity.

"In my last birth when I was mentoring Martin (Martin Luther King), I told him that U.S. is moving towards crony capitalism and it means it is becoming a highly communal country. That time he denied anything like that is happening in U.S. and thrashed my vision as just a stupid prediction. But now wherever he would be, he would accept his mistake. Today Donald Trump proved me right and therefore he also proves me right for supporting to Laloo in Bihar," Arvind Kejriwal told India Satire correspondent Swati in an exclusive chat.

​Kejriwal confirmed that his fight is not against dual enemies of crony capitalism and communalism but a single one and that is crocaco. He worried about the minority in U.S. and is ready to discuss a formula to rehabilitate them.

He told correspondent "Delhi dill se bhari hai. We invited Ghulam Ali after Shiv Sena's ban on his concert in Mumbai. Same way we invite all the muslims, seculars and intellects to Delhi. Their population may be whatever but we have place for them in our hearts. We will sleep on roads and footpaths but we will give them our shelters. I request all middle class people of Delhi to sacrifice their houses for these refugees from U.S. I have a formula for them all of seculars who want to go to U.S. should come to Delhi on even days we will give every alternative house/flat/bungalow of Delhite to them."

When the correspondent asked him whether he wants to nominate for as a U.S. Presidential candidate in the next elections, Kejriwal cleared the air. He said "Meri koi aukat nee hai. Mein sirf aam aadmi hu. Apne bachchok is sir ki kasam khaata hu, I am not interested in becoming President of U.S. Ha jaate jaate, ek hi baat kehena chahta hu. I have Swiss Bank A/c No. of Donald Trump and I will disclose it soon, may be on some odd day."

(All inputs reported by our special correspondent Swati Gupta from Delhi)