Breaking News: Kanhaiya Kumar suffers constipation

India's newest hero and revolutionary Kanhaiya Kumar is suffering from constipation since yesterday night, according to a journalist of NDTV.

"He ate something utter shutter yesterday night at Singh is King Dhaba in Delhi and since then he is suffering bad constipation," said the NDTV reporter who was left by the TV channel's top journalist Barkha Dutt at Kanhaiya's room to give the newest born hero personal care and affection.

The reporter said that prima facie it looked like government's conspiracy in the nexus of Dhabewala who put something constipatory in that food to disturb the idea of food azaadi. The reporter confirmed to NDTV that keeping Kanhaiya busy trying for potty would stop him raking the logic of Afzal's azaadi.

"Since early morning he was visiting toilet but in spite of trying hard, moaning loudly and pushing insanely potty is not allowing itself to come out," informed the reporter in a small chat with NDTV anchor Sreenivasan Jain "His left bum wants some azaadi from the constipation."

The reporter also confirmed that JNUSU students started shouting slogans such as "Kanhaiya maange azaadi. Kanhaiya maange constipation se azaadi."

According to sources, Barkha Dutt immediately in the morning left to Kanhaiya's campus to help him recover from the situation.

"She will provide her sentimental support, caring and motherly love which will boost his inner instincts in fighting the constipatory problem," confirmed reporter.

(Fake News)

Mallikarjun Kharge sheds some blood from his potty

After threatening ruling party BJP of bloodshed if constitution goes through changes, senior Congress Party leader Mallikarjun Kharge shed some blood from his potty, according to his sweeper.

"Saab ke potty me se rakhtpaat hua," one of the 62 sweepers of Kharge's Delhi house said "Mein subah subah jab pot dhone gaya tab maine rakht (khoon in Hindi and blood in English) dekha tha."

According to Kharge's doctors, Kharge me shed more blood but gradually during the period of BJP rule.

"Many Congress leaders don't have habit to sit on the chairs of opposition. It really nauseates their intestines and bowel regulatory system. Kharge and other Congress Party leaders would not see immediate relief from this disintegrated bowel management system and therefore they would witness slow release of blood till they come back to the chairs of ruling party," said Dr Anand Sharma, an expert in the bowel management system due to change in the seats and change in the bosses.

Dr Sharma also handles stomachs of many media journalists who face the serious bowel damage if the ruling party changes.

"Media journalists like Rajdeep, Barkha and Sagarika are going through my medication. Rajdeep Sardesai has gastric trouble. Sometimes he witnesses gas is stuck up for days while sometimes it automatically goes on releasing for days. Barkha Dutt became serious patient of constipation since BJP came to power and Sagarika vomits every 10-15 minutes," said Dr Sharma "I think by 2019 if Congress doesn't come to power these people would see real bad health."