Everything you should know about Uttarakhand crisis and President’s Rule

​Following is the guide which gives a detailed glimpse of Uttarakhand crisis and President's rule imposed by Central Government.

What was the issue all about?

·         9 Congress Party MLAs of Uttarkhand wanted to go on sabbatical to show their wives a new world, which ex-Chief Minister didn't grant. Giving the reason that his intolerable hair oil constantly freeze their noses, they removed the support of the government.

·         When asked about giving them sabbatical, Harish Rawat said "What the f*ck?" Giving f*ck to these rebel Congress and hungry deprived BJP MLAs for Uttarkhand chair, the speaker said "Appropriation Bill is passed," opening a new chance for self f*cking.

·         These MLAs (including BJPs) moved to Governor KK Paul for some chit chat and checking whether sending Harish Rawat on sabbatical was possible. "Marie biskut was extremely soggy and fell into my cup of tea;" said one of the BJP MLAs who was present at the meeting "Blame it on Harish bhai."

·         Paul scratched his head and thought something and muttered "Hmmmm... This Harish guy is too oversmart, that day his wife was outshining mine and he was laughing. I will show him his place." and asked the government to prove his majority before the yearend holiday.

·         His Personal Assistant complained "Paul saab isn't giving me compensatory off although I had overtime that day before typing that letter in the blood of the democracies' body."

·         Prime Minister Narendra Modi called urgent meeting of cabinet to discuss the issue and take steps. He presented facts in front of Rahul, Sonia Gandhi and asked their support. "Mummy I don't like Harish uncle's hair oil. It is way too stingy," Rahul opens up first time in the closed door meeting and asked Sonia Gandhi to take steps. "Don't worry Raul Baba! Randip (not Hooda, its Surjewala) issue the statement that its murder of democracy. Modiji, go ahead and let Rawatji sit in his home having a serious make over from his wife."

·         Today, Harish Rawat found carrying handbag carrying a small chit of paper which has given by his wife, Renuka Rawat. Message on the paper was "Bring 1 litre milk, 1/2kilo baingan, 1/2kilo gobi (saaf ki huyi), 1kilo tamaatar aur 2 kilo aaloo. Put the money unspent in my purse."

So what is President's rule?

President's rule is imposed by Central Government if State Government does anything unconstitutional. So what is unconstitutional? Any act which is not having been mentioned in 395 articles, 12 schedules, 25 parts and 117,369 English words of Constitution of India is unconstitutional. So any government that darns these 117,369 English words could be ousted by Central Government and brings a peaceful President's rule.

What happens under President's rule?

Nothing specific. Ousted party calls it murder of democracy. You may get some free sops and enjoyable luxurious things from central government apart from daily media coverage.

How's life under President's rule?

Great! You feel like you are in USA. You don't need to work. You get salaries at home. You can buy anything at free of cost. Beautiful girls come to you and propose you. Lovely corruption free life. If you are thinking all these then forget, nothing changes under President's rule. Only change is the name in Government's schemes.

Government to show Dilwale if opposition doesn't allow parliament to function

New Delhi: 21-Dec-15

There is positive news for Indians who were waiting for parliament to complete its pending legislature in next 3 days, as the government managed to take opposition parties on its side. According to sources, the government in yesterday's all party meet threatened all the leaders of opposition parties that it would show them Dilwale movie continuously non-stop for next 3 days if they don't budge to government's persuasion on passing bills and continue with their protest on paltry issues such as National Herald case. Prime Minister Narendra Modi in yesterday's all party meeting told Congress Party Chief Sonia Gandhi, Vice President Rahul Gandhi, Samajwadi Party Chief Mulayam Singh Yadav and many other leaders that its last time for them to agree on government's intention to pass all pending bills or else all these leaders along with their fellow parliamentarians would be punished by showing Dilwale. According to a source, Sonia and Rahul immediately agreed to the terms of government and told PM that they are ready to go to jail for National Herald scam but can't watch the movie. Even, Mulayam Singh Yadav gave his unconditional support, fearing the revolt in his party fellows.

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Mallikarjun Kharge sheds some blood from his potty

After threatening ruling party BJP of bloodshed if constitution goes through changes, senior Congress Party leader Mallikarjun Kharge shed some blood from his potty, according to his sweeper.

"Saab ke potty me se rakhtpaat hua," one of the 62 sweepers of Kharge's Delhi house said "Mein subah subah jab pot dhone gaya tab maine rakht (khoon in Hindi and blood in English) dekha tha."

According to Kharge's doctors, Kharge me shed more blood but gradually during the period of BJP rule.

"Many Congress leaders don't have habit to sit on the chairs of opposition. It really nauseates their intestines and bowel regulatory system. Kharge and other Congress Party leaders would not see immediate relief from this disintegrated bowel management system and therefore they would witness slow release of blood till they come back to the chairs of ruling party," said Dr Anand Sharma, an expert in the bowel management system due to change in the seats and change in the bosses.

Dr Sharma also handles stomachs of many media journalists who face the serious bowel damage if the ruling party changes.

"Media journalists like Rajdeep, Barkha and Sagarika are going through my medication. Rajdeep Sardesai has gastric trouble. Sometimes he witnesses gas is stuck up for days while sometimes it automatically goes on releasing for days. Barkha Dutt became serious patient of constipation since BJP came to power and Sagarika vomits every 10-15 minutes," said Dr Sharma "I think by 2019 if Congress doesn't come to power these people would see real bad health."

Why NDA lost Bihar? BJP's Think Tank analyses BJP's election mayhem

BJP's think tank announced reasons why it lost Bihar elections

6 Key reasons why BJP lost Bihar elections

1.    Beefs not allowed to vote

2.    Award returnees voted secretly in Bihar elections

3.    Lalu Prasad Yadav warned Biharis if they dont vote Grand Alliance he would show all Ravi Kishan's movies at one go

4.    Nitish Kumar promised voters that he would leave Bihar for Delhi elections next time

5.    Arvind Kejriwal told Bihari voters he will start living in Bihar if they don't vote Grand Alliance

6.    Rahul Gandhi warned Biharis that he would become Prime Minister if they don't vote Grand Alliance