Anish Kapoor is a chemically proven weapon to eliminate talibanism from world - Study

A medical study jointly conducted by US and European Institute of Medical Research recommends a chemical weapon with Alpha Omega Beta (AOB) element that only finds in intellectuals where brain only functions to reserve AOB and supplies it to hair while thought process comes from the knee area and for few from their asses. This AOB has tremendous capacity to eliminate talibanism from the world. The study says that the AOB element exceeds the maximal limit in UK based sculptor Anish Kapoor's brain and if used properly against Taliban, he would be very effective. Anish Kapoor recently wrote an article in Guardian about Talibani leadership in India.

"Rather than discussing about Taliban why don't we try to eliminate it from the world? Anish Kapoor has tremendous amount of AOB element in his brain. If we don't use this AOB element properly, the brain uses it for cultivating grey hair on the head. Rather than keeping him wealthy with hair we can take out a lot of AOB element to eliminate talibanism. He could be used as a great chemical weapon. We can inject him into missiles and fire them on the targets of Taliban," said study which advised US and British government to consider putting think tank Anish Kapoor into missiles.

"He could be used as many times as he has hair on his head. AOB is available in human brains only and there is no other natural source. We have never found so much of natural AOB chemical which is planted in Anish Kapoor in any journalist or intellects in the world, not even in Rajdeep Sardesai, Barkha Dutt or any Indian intellectual," confirms study.

Research: Rajdeep Sardesai changes his face expressions by 180 degrees while interviewing Anupam Kher and Naseeruddin Shah

Rajdeep's face expressions 'Contest mark with Anupam Kher and Question mark with Naseeruddin Shah'

An independend research conducted by AC Nielsen shows that Rajdeep Sardesai amazingly changes his expressions by 180 degrees while interviewing bollywood stars Anupam Kher and Naseeruddin Shah on the topic of intolerance in India.

Rajdeep Sardesai interviewing Anupam Kher

"While asking questions to Anupam Kher, Rajdeep's face expressions where like he wanted to ask questions and wanted to give answers himself. However, when he was interviewing Naseerji, Rajdeep just wanted to ask what he wanted Nasseruddin Shah to answer. Totally unbiased and although subtly different. Means you can't identify a single iota of difference in his expressions, still a lot of difference," said Vijay Gupta of AC Nielsen, who conducted the research.

Rajdeep Sardesai interviewing Naseeruddin Shah

According to Gupta, Rajdeep's eyes expressed contest mark against Anupam Kher and question mark in front of Naseeruddin Shah.

"Both the expressions are difficult to give but Rajdeep and all the media anchors of NDTV, Aaj Tak and ABP News are mastered those expressions," said Gupta "It is difficult for any normal person to change face expressions by 180degree. However, when media anchors interview Narendra Modi or Raj Thackeray kind of people then it becomes difficult for them to take a 180 degree turn."

According to a source in India Today TV Channel, Rajdeep Sardesai cried for half an hour when Naseeruddin Shah said that his name was Naseeruddin Shah and therefore he was getting such a kind of threats. However, final video was edited on the television and You Tube.

(Satire and Fake News)

Why NDA lost Bihar? BJP's Think Tank analyses BJP's election mayhem

BJP's think tank announced reasons why it lost Bihar elections

6 Key reasons why BJP lost Bihar elections

1.    Beefs not allowed to vote

2.    Award returnees voted secretly in Bihar elections

3.    Lalu Prasad Yadav warned Biharis if they dont vote Grand Alliance he would show all Ravi Kishan's movies at one go

4.    Nitish Kumar promised voters that he would leave Bihar for Delhi elections next time

5.    Arvind Kejriwal told Bihari voters he will start living in Bihar if they don't vote Grand Alliance

6.    Rahul Gandhi warned Biharis that he would become Prime Minister if they don't vote Grand Alliance

Government imposes VAT on the word 'intolerance'

Harshly reacting to loss in Bihar, NDA Government has announced value added tax on the word 'intolerance'. Law Ministry's circular released today morning said that a person who claims himself intellectual or anybody related to mainstream media or movies, or is professional writer and activist or casual reader and chit chat guy will have to pay 20% duty or Rs 20,000 whichever is higher if he/she rakes up the word 'intolerance' through the means of pen or mouth.

"This word (intolerance) has divided the country and also affected brains of Bihari voters which led to firecrackers on the streets of Pakistan. Use of word 'Intolerance' is a scarce commodity in a democracy like India which if used in an illegal manner creates serious consequences in the country. We also believe that as the use of word 'intolerance's is excessively used in India, it provides an opportunity for the government to generate additional revenue and bridge fiscal deficit," said a press release signed by India's Law Minister D. V. Sadananda Gowda.

Explanation - In short it means 'SHUT UP AND AVOID SAYING ANYTHING LIKE INTOLERANCE'

According to finance ministry official, revenue collected through value added tax on word 'intolerance' would cut fiscal deficit to GDP by at least 1.5% in FY16.

Entire film fraternity returns all the awards for allowing 'Prem Ratan Dhan Payo' release; citing overdose of Hindu nationalism

Overdose of Hinduism in Prem Ratan Dhan Payo

Entire Indian film fraternity, mostly promoters of secularism and tolerance announced returning all the Filmfare and National awards, protesting the decision of Censor Board for allowing Prem Ratan Dhan Payo's (PRDP's) release in Diwali this year. According to media sources, many film makers and actors infuriated because of a lot of Hindu cultural coverage in the movie which would probably hurt sentiments of minorities for making them isolated and feel dejected.

"This movie has a full of communal contents for 3 hours like marriage process in Hindu religion, appeasement of Hindu Gods and a lot of promotion of Hindu ideology. Everything is Hindu while other religions are totally ignored. The movie neither carries a message of cultural shift from Hinduism to other minority religions nor a message to Indians to be tolerant on Pakistan policy in the entire film. Our Indian culture believes in tolerance and love but the movie promotes Hindu nationalism and RSS ideologues and therefore we decided to return awards," said a press release issued by the Movie Makers And Actors Grid.

The list includes a lot of big named movie film makers and actors.

In an exclusive interview to India Satire correspondent, movie director Farah Khan said "I am also going to return my Oscar Award that I received for making Tees Maar Khan."

Sensex and Nifty to give up their rallies in protest of rising intolerance in India; GDP and Fiscal Deficit thinking on the similar lines

India's leading benchmark indices Sensex and Nifty decided to return their rallies started after the announcement of Narendra Modi as Prime Ministerial candidate of India. Both the indices told India Satire correspondent that they will return to September 13 levels when BJP officially announced Mr. Modi as PM candidate.

"We also want to contribute to award waapsi movement. Now that we are up by more than 35% since the announcement, we decided to give up all the returns and decline to pre announcement levels. We can't bear the rising intolerance in India and therefore we appeal all the key participants traded in us should return their price gains," an official release by Sensex and Nifty released today.

Sensex and Nifty were at 19733 and 5851 levels respectively when announcement of Narendra Modi as PM candidate came. According to a source in Central Statistical Organisation (CSO), India's GDP and fiscal deficit along with other indicators are also thinking on the similar lines.

HUL launches 'anti intolerance cream'

Indian FMCG major, Hindustan Unilever Ltd. (HUL) has launched anti intolerance cream 'Fair and Tolerant Crème' for intellectuals and seculars in India. The product will reduce intolerance levels in India and will be marketed among the affected people of society which include movie stars, film producers, authors, scientists, and intellectuals. All the affected sections of society welcome the cream.

"Our anti intolerance crème 'Fair and Tolerant Crème' will help reduce the rising levels of intolerance that were constantly affecting several parts of brain of a large sections of society. The product currently launched only in Mumbai, Delhi and Bangalore at Rs 12,999 per 10gm and will be available across India in next 2-3 months," said HUL spokesperson in an exclusive interview to India Satire correspondent.

The spokesperson continued "The crème could be used on the parts of brain. For that the affected person and his family member needs to open his skull and personally reach out or ask any family member to apply that crème to the painful marks and scratches on brain. It is a very simple process."

​To demonstrate how the cream works, the spokesperson opened a blue-colored laser pen and floated it around the replica of brain in which the India Satire correspondent could clearly see many germs of intolerance. The spokesperson then applied some 'Fair and Tolerant Crème' on the affected parts and his laser pen showed significant reduction in germs by 99%.

"This is a big revolution in the century. Nobody now will need to return his award," said spokesperson.

A section of society, which contributed to independent 'award waapsi' movement welcomed HUL's product.

"HUL has taken a great step today. We witnessed many scratches on our brains and minds due to rising intolerance in the society. Now that the crème is launched, I can't wait to rub it on my brain and reduce the levels intolerance," said popular movie director Dibakar Banerjee. He also demanded government to return his award which he had returned under award waapsi program to protest against Government's intolerant stand in FTII.

Many other movie stars, authors and scientists confirmed that they will also use the cream to get matters fixed. When asked about pricing of the product, all of them confirmed that the cream is available at very inexpensive price and the company should be in a position to push adequate inventory to affected people. However, when the correspondent asked them about pricing of the product for people who actually are affected due to intolerance and not intellectually affected like them, one of the intellectuals said "That's government's responsibility to check how it reduce pain of affected section. They need cream and not crème at reasonable prices or may be free of cost. My responsibility is to check my own head which was pained due to Dadri Lynching and needs to heal it properly at whatever price."